"Thanks for being here!"

Guests:
• Jennifer Love Hewitt | website
• John C. McGinley (Scrubs) | Scrubs website (NBC)
• Rubik's World Champion Dan Knights Rubik's World website

Opening Scene:
Ellen trying to solve "Fermat's Last Theorem" on a chalkboard.

Song from Scotty K:
"Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell

Monologue:
Television - who doesn't own one? what kind of people don't watch?

Notes:
• Ellen talks to Lisa Lam 1-005 (pictured at right), to update her on the job search (11 employers had written in so far), and to tell her that she will be a correspondent for Ellen at the Emmys.
• Rubik's Cube champion Dan Knights competes against audience member Joan Marie (from Akron, Ohio) to see how many cubes they can solve during the show hour.
• Ellen plays "Cosmo or Not?" with the audience.
• John gives Ellen a stethescope.
• Dan solved at least 100 Rubik's Cubes; Joan Marie was still working on her first one. Ellen gave Joan Marie a TiVo (it's also Joan Marie's husband Tony's 40th birthday). Ellen gave Dan the 400 Rubik's Cubes, a pot pie, and dinner.

Ellen's watch provided by: Robert Lighton, New York

TV Guide/TiVo listings had Richard Simmons previously listed (instead of John C. McGinley).

This episode re-aired on Oxygen, 2003-Sep-24.