Ellen gets a mention in this article...
http://www.freep.com/entertainment/tvandradio/duf8_20031208.htm

Go to the excerpt about Ellen.

CAPT. VIDEO'S DAYTIME TV ODYSSEY: Our super-viewer dives into what holiday couch potatoes will be watching

BY MIKE DUFFY
FREE PRESS TV CRITIC

December 8, 2003

The Divine Miss M is tickling my inner chocoholic fancy.

Martha Stewart, the Wall Street scandal-besmirched goddess of good taste and perfectionist elegance, is whipping up some yummy chocolate truffles for the holidays on "Martha Stewart Living" this particular Tuesday morning.

But wait, over there on a competing channel, it's Ricki Lake taking another stroll on the wild, sleazy side of sexual behavior: "Sex on the Down Low!" goes for the cheap talk-show thrills. She's exploring the world of heterosexual black men who have a secret alternate sex life with other men. Oh, dear. Sublime truffles preparation or salacious sex talk?! What to watch?

Yes, it's just another crazy day on the couch with Captain Video, taking a break from prime time to surf the daytime television carnival of talk and infotainment shows.

This is an eye-candy kingdom long ruled over by Her Royal Talk Show Highness, Queen Oprah of Winfrey. All others -- with the notable exception of Oprah protege Dr. Phil -- are mere ratings peasants by comparison to the Big O.

In an effort to remain at least marginally sane while ogling exhibits in the daytime TV zoo, we skipped all judge shows and soap operas this time. And we squeezed in only one game show, "The Price Is Right." Why? Well, Bob Barker celebrates his 80th birthday this Friday. After all these years, he deserves a shout out.

So let's go. Time to gather up the gazillion or so brain cells sacrificed in the viewing process, cram them back into the Captain Video cranium and shoot from the lip. Here are my amused, bemused and irritated thoughts on a random selection of mostly syndicated daytime shows ("The View" and "The Price Is Right" are network programs), watched over three different days in November and early December:

"LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY" (9 a.m., WXYZ-TV, Channel 7):Light, lively and generally a lot of fun. OK, I still don't get Kelly Ripa. But compared with the drama-queen excesses of ultra-annoying former cohost Kathie Lee Gifford, Ripa's far more playfully simpatico with Regis Philbin.

The best part: The bantering, chatty opening segment. Rege and Kelly talk over the day's headlines, dish the topical dirt on celebrities from Britney to Michael Jackson, make fun of executive producer Gelman and share cockeyed anecdotes from their personal lives.

He said: "Ever since you got that sitcom, you're drying up, baby! You're drying up!" That's Rege kidding "Hope & Faith" star Ripa about an alleged decline in her repartee now that she's also an ABC family sitcom diva.

Suggested alternate name: "The Bickersons in the Big Apple."

"THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW" (9 a.m., WWJ-TV, Channel 62): Rookie of the year. With her loopy, down-to-earth observational humor and friendly personality, Ellen DeGeneres is an entertaining daytime chitchat natural. The show's a fresh, easygoing mix of celebrity interviews, pop music performances and DeGeneres' affable wit.

Cool banter buddy: British club DJ Tony, the funk soul brother who spins brief turntable jams and chats with Ellen.

The new Queen of Nice: Forget Rosie O'Donnell. DeGeneres is the real deal. With O'Donnell, there was always some latent hostility, a snarky undercurrent of not so nice.

She said: "I reckon I feel purty," cracked DeGeneres during a November fashion makeover as an urban cowgirl with jeans, boots and a chic fringed buckskin jacket.

He said: "When you got that much money, you gonna do some things that look weird to people." That's guest Steve Harvey, talking about Michael Jackson.

Strange celebrity revelation: "I wanted to see what it felt like to get cut open." Australian actress Toni Collete recalled a schoolgirl prank, faking appendicitis.

On the move: "Ellen" leaves Channel 62 at the end of the month and resurfaces at 10 a.m. weekdays on Channel 4 as of Jan. 5.

"THE JOHN WALSH SHOW" (11 a.m., WDIV-TV, Channel 4): Pugnacious victims rights advocate, faux populist windbag and "America's Most Wanted" kingpin dishes lurid tabloid hooey in daytime.

Obnoxious theme song lyric: "Don't let 'em push us down, don't let 'em kick us around!"

Today's melodrama overload: "Shocking News Caught On Tape! Unthinkable Acts, Unthinkable Video!"

Bully boy sound bite: "He took that creep down!" Walsh praising the heroic efforts of a man who tackled a gunman outside a California courthouse.

Walsh ego inflation index: Off the charts, almost Oprah-iffic.

The good news: The show has just been canceled after less than two seasons.Happy holidays!

"THE PRICE IS RIGHT"(11 a.m., WWJ-TV, Channel 62, CBS): The granddaddy of daytime game shows is still going strong after 31 years on CBS. And silver fox Barker continues to easily spin the Big Wheel of his own long-running career as he touches down on the Planet Octogenarian.

Bells & whistles: It's straight out of the successful game show rule book. Lots of flashing lights, bright garish colors and noisy audience members hooting and hollering. And let's not forget the Punch Board and that Big Wheel.

The signature game show tone: Giddy materialistic feeding frenzy, consumerism run amok.

Traditional Big Wheel Bobspeak: "This is a spin-off to determine which of you will be in the showcase." Ah, music to a game show freak's greedy ears.

Three words Satan will never say to Bob Barker: "Come on down!" Barker's definitely heading for the pearly gates of Game Show Heaven.

"THE VIEW" (11 a.m., WXYZ-TV, Channel 7, ABC): Girls gone mild! It's all aboard the flap-jaw express with moderator Meredith Vieira and her genially outspoken colleagues Star Jones, Joy Behar and new "View" addition, youth-spewing "Survivor" alum Elisabeth Filarski Hasselbeck.

ABC News uber diva and "View" executive producer Barbara Walters also pops in a couple of times a week.

The estrogenized ambience: Gal pals banter and bond, dish the celebrity dirt and go all gaga for cosmetics, fashions and assorted other consumer folderol. But they also discuss hot-button social issues like gay marriage with a fair amount of thoughtful candor.

Shameless corporate promotions: "Well, it's Mickey Mouse's 75th anniversary with Disney. So here's to Mickey!" said Vieira, hyping the rodent icon of ABC's parent company. Later in the same show, they gushed over ABC's "The Bachelor" and "Hope & Faith."

Comic relief: "They're skinny in San Diego. Calista Flockhart's a plus-size there." Wisecracking redhead Behar's punch line to a pop lifestyle survey of which cities are known for fat or slim residents.

"DR. PHIL"(3 p.m., WDIV-TV, Channel 4): Tough love Texan shares his get-real self-improvement wisdom. As Oprah's longtime protege and resident guru of human behavior, Dr. Phil was primed for the talk show success he's enjoyed the past two years.

Ch-ch-change mantra: "This is going to be a changing day in your life." Dr. Phil's voice-over at the opening of each show.

Group therapy a-go-go: On a show that seems to be a clearinghouse for victims of very low self-esteem, Dr. Phil's basically shooting fish in a psychobabble barrel. Obesity, lousy sex lives, troubled teens, families in crisis -- they're all on the dance card at Dr. Phil's Dysfunctional Disco.

Say what, Dr. Phil?: "My Dad used to say, 'For every rat that you can see, there's 50 that you don't.' " Dr. Phil talks to a dirty rat who habitually cheats on his wife.

Money machine, crank it up: Dr. Phil's raking in additional buckets of moolah with "The Ultimate Weight Solution," a best seller that has become a prime promotional tie-in for Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge. All season, two teams compete to lose the most weight while sharing their confessional misery on national television.

Shrink rapping: "You can't do this alone," advises Dr. Phil. "Everyone needs what I call a circle of support." Heck, I'd need a circle of support just to endure another episode of "Dr. Phil."

"THE SHARON OSBOURNE SHOW"(3 p.m., WKBD-TV, Channel 50): Ozzy's brash spouse is a plucky cancer survivor with a lust for the celebrity limelight after "The Osbournes." That show introduced her potty-mouthed persona to the world; she can be simultaneously annoying and enjoyable as a talk show host.

The chatterbox menu: Mostly frothy infotainment with a wink and a nod. The celebrity partners run the shallow gamut from dizzy starlet Tara Reid to aging rocker Rod Stewart. Also troubled teens (hint: son Jack) and other social issues are given rarin' Sharon's opinionated treatment.

Home surreal home: The set is all goofball coziness, echoing the rock star digs of her home on "The Osbournes." Sort of Ikea Meets Victoria's Secret Boudoir Deco. Complete with a couch for Sharon and some of her guests to get comfy and tuck their feet up.

Celebrity look-alike: With her spiky red, rock 'n' roll hair and large head, Sharon resembles a bobblehead doll of David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust.

Bad star trippin' sign: The host is starting to sound like one of the self-absorbed seagulls in "Finding Nemo." There's an awful lot of "Me, me, me, me, me!" A recent show featured psychobabble experts talking about Sharon's parenting skills . . . or lack thereof.

The wit & wisdom of Sharon Osbourne: "She should take that fiddle and stick it right up her rear end!" Sharon to country star Toby Keith, speaking of Dixie Chick Natalie Maines.

"THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW"(4 p.m., WXYZ-TV, Channel 7): Is Oprah following her tabloid bliss? The longtime ultra-doyenne of daytime has seen her ratings jump to their highest levels in five years this season with a mix of edgier, sometimes more sensational topics like "Suburban Teens: The New Prostitutes."

The good news: Oprah seems incapable of true Jerry Springer trashiness. She's too classy.

On the other hand: Oprah's missionary zeal regarding human potential gets tangled up with her fawning celebrity interviews and the materialistic gluttony that gets trotted out on her annual pre-Christmas favorite things spree.

She said: "The older you get, your breasts start to go. Everybody knows this. They don't salute; they're not perky." Oprah discussing gravity's negative impact on a show about extreme cosmetic surgery makeovers.

The cult of the Big O: "I feel feminine. I feel nice. I feel more like you!" A female aerobics instructor, sharing her thoughts with Oprah, after having an extreme makeover.

Contact MIKE DUFFY at 313-222-6520 or duffy@freepress.com.

This article © 2003 Detroit Free Press Inc.
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